I believe everyone can agree that, generally, if a person crosses someone’s boundary, it would be great if the offended person spoke up. It would be great if everyone abstained from coping with any life issue using passive or passive-aggressive behavior.
Yet, we do need to acknowledge the difficulty of calling someone out where a power imbalance exist. Dealing with power is more art than science. It can be quite challenging to speak truth where candor is not valued in organizational relationships.
If you asked an HR professional for their honest opinion, they would probably say that many of the issues they deal with could have been avoided if the parties involved had simply had a conversation about the issue first.
Easier said than done many would say. No.
It does take courage and skill to speak your truth to power. However the key is connecting the issue to values.
We often try to change others or set boundaries based on our values (what’s important to me). Yet, we need to acknowledge that people don’t willingly change unless something they value is at stake.
If by offending someone I put something of value to me at risk, I will be more willing to change to protect what’s valuable to me. Everyone, no matter how altruistic, is motivated at some level by self-interest or the desire to survive.
It can be challenging to view the issue from another person’s perspective. If you draw a blank when you wonder “what value is at risk for them,” it probably means you don’t know them.
Here are four tips for developing the skill of speaking your truth to power:
Remind yourself that your goal is to “build a deeper connection with the other person”;
Be in tune with the value(s) of the other person in the specific context and frame the issue from their perspective (what they value);
Start the conversation by focusing on the value at risk and avoid beginning with your interpretation;
Be open to changing your perception (interpretation), by inviting them to communicate their perspective.
Assertiveness takes practice. It is a firm pathway for speaking truth to power.
Contact us at 1.866.377.0165 to book a mini-course on “Speaking Truth to Power” or to gain access to a 15 minute video that you can use to lead a team discussion.
Are you aware of common behaviors that could be considered sexual harassment?
Sexual harassment involves any behavior, that is sexual in nature, and can reasonably be understood as unwelcome or unwanted.
Here are a few behaviors to avoid:
Rating another person on an attractiveness scale (“They’re a 10”). By doing so, you are actually discussing a person’s physical appearance with romantic undertones, which adds up to comments of a sexual nature.
Discussing the nature of one’s personal life with references to sexual activity; you are referring to (personal) sexual activity while in the work context.
Sharing sexually inappropriate photos/videos/emails with colleagues; content of a sexual nature has entered what should be a neutral, sex-free environment for work or study.
Using terms of endearment such as honey, dear, or sweetie. Terms of endearment denote affection toward another person. This affection can reasonably be perceived as romantic in nature, and even sexual. Even though the person may mean nothing to you, it is the impact the behavior has on others that matters.
Harassment is always about the IMPACT of your behavior and not about your INTENT.
As soon as comments/actions of a sexual nature become unwelcome by someone in the work context, the behavior falls into the sexual harassment bucket.
Following some basic communication rules will help you to avoid walking on eggshells.
Learn more about developing your capacity to think impact and avoid harassment by going to our website!
I used to work with someone with whom I had a personal issue, and the personal issue I had unfortunately skewed the way I viewed this individual and their behavior in our work environment. Of course I can see this now in hindsight, because this was years ago, but what I also didn’t know back then is that there are strategies for neutralizing our personal biases toward others.
Since then, I have also learned that it is easy to slip into a negative attitude when we feel wronged. Whether it’s because your reputation is at stake or because you just feel ignored, sometimes we fall into a place where we can only seem to think about the negative aspects of a situation.
Could you or someone you know use a simple model for